today i realized that m=no matter what i do or say. I don't seem to find love. I had it twice and lost it in a second. And now just a thing i have that is not even close to love or like... Y can't have the one i love???? some time I want to run away to a place where I don't know no one... And start fresh again... I know no matter what I do I will always have him as a friend... I don;t want to lose him at all... He is the only one that have been their for me really no matter if i was... I want to yellll!!!!!!!!!! so yeah I kinda feel much better yay....

I this weekend could say change my point view..... I know I fuck up nasty but jet again am still doing it. love can be difficult, confusing, crazy, point is am in love but.... yea... I want you... I need you... come back... please... I'll be with you so u wont be alone....

I moved out out of the house a week ago... Finally I decide to leave the my house with the help of my patito... Am happy cux my free now in some way. But tat the same time sad. My feeling are all confuse.. I guess it because I left my house in a bad time... When everything was falling apart. I don't know How long am going to feel like this. Theirs things that I need to let go... But I can't. I need advice. I guess in other words I don't know whats next???????

I feel so alone, like I'm the only person in the world who feels this way, and it doesn't matter. It's not important, maybe because I'm not important. Some days I don't even know why I try. What can I do to be significant? I'm screaming out, doing everything in my power to be heard, yet even silence is louder than my screams. What can I do to be heard, other than tear down my world, break apart my life, die? Sometimes I wonder whether or not I'm becoming more alive or dying, sometimes I wonder if there is a difference. The pain never leaves. It never disappears. It never dies, it never fades, it never lets up. The more I try to forget the more it hurts, the more I try to move on the further I fall back. Desperation is worse than frustration, is living worse than dying? Is screaming worse than crying? The desire to destroy overwhelms me. If I break apart the world around me, maybe the world inside will feel more in tact, maybe it's just relative. If I create chaos in my environment, my inner world will be more at peace, even though it's all the same. The ridiculousness of this all is taking over. Why I'm feeling this way means nothing, I am, but it doesn't matter.